So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
