Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
