dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
