so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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