I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
