Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
