those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
