Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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