Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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