You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
