Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
did you just send me my own nude
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
