one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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