I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
