Non-Jews are for practice
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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