Heybabeimwearingurpanties
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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