I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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