Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
