babies were throwing up all over the place
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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