OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
