I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
