Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
