We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
