whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
