I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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