I love black thongs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
