i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
