Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
