i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Enjoy the penises
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
