We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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