Pappa wants mamma naked
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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