Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
