Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
