I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
People in love make me want to vomit
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
