She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
