Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
