Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
