this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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