so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
