You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize