just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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