Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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