careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
