hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
