omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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