One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
