did you get engaged???
i just had sex bonerless
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
