i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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