We're facebook friends in real life
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize