Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
