Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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