My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
