I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
And then he peed in my hair
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