I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
