did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
