now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
