The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
