I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
