Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
