dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
