I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
