I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Randomize
