yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
