so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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