Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
