I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
