I don't usually arrange sex via text message
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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