i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize