just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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