Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
two words: eviction party
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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