WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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