I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
